Today, I hate my body

IVF hormones, lipedema flares, and the space between biology and control

My body feels bloated after all the hormones I’ve had over the past weeks. Yesterday, I had a new dose of hormones.. an antagonist as part of a long egg retrieval protocol.

And my lipedema is in so much pain.

Even sitting down hurts.

I know for sure that every part of my lipedema-affected body is screaming for help right now because the pain is so intense.

I’m still at a hotel in Tbilisi, Georgia, and tomorrow morning I’m flying to Amsterdam in the Netherlands for a couple of days. My stomach is full of needle marks, and I’m also sore in my intimate areas after the egg retrieval. So I’m not sure whether I should use the swimming pool because of the risk of infection. At the same time, I feel like my body really needs to be in water for a while, to let the lymph flow and get some gentle compression from swimming. I’m also considering doing a very, very easy workout session, focusing only on pumping and circulation in my legs and body. No weightlifting or muscle building. It’s far too early for that after the egg retrieval.

IVF hormones, especially high-dose estrogen and progesterone spikes, can worsen lipedema symptoms by fueling abnormal fat growth and inflammation, as lipedema adipocytes overreact to estrogen in laboratory studies. There are no direct IVF-lipedema clinical trials, but mechanistic evidence shows that the supraphysiological estrogen levels during IVF increase lipedema stem cell proliferation and adipogenic markers more than in healthy fat cells. Progesterone surges used for luteal support may also increase fluid retention and tenderness, resembling pregnancy flares where lipedema often worsens. Patient reports describe increased pain and heaviness during stimulation cycles, and measures such as compression and anti-inflammatory strategies may help mitigate symptoms. Close monitoring is important, especially in hormone-sensitive cases, as there may be a risk of progression.

I just wanted to share this with you because I know you’ve been there, like pain-wise. I know you will probably have days like this yourself, even if you are on a good path right now. Or if you’re not, I feel you. Truly. Wow, what our bodies go through. Our female bodies. All the hormones. All the effort it takes to stay healthy and maintain a good quality of life.

I know I will have good days again, but I really hoped this would be my very last egg retrieval. Unfortunately, because of a low egg count or a recruitment issue the doctors are struggling to understand my body I will need to collect more eggs to make sure my partner and I can build our family. We don’t know whether I’m running out of eggs or what the underlying issue is. The science isn’t there yet. Several doctors have looked into my case, scratching their heads without clear answers. From a textbook perspective, biology is fascinating. But from the perspective of wanting control over your own body and not having it, it’s just incredibly frustrating.

My pants feel tight because of all the swelling and bloating. My legs are in pain. Right now, I feel like crying. But I know this will pass. And I know the good days are right ahead of me. I just have to get through the coming days and weeks.

You are the best, by the way. I really love replying to your messages, writing articles, and giving my mind something else to focus on instead of the pain I’m feeling right now. One thing is certain the compression stockings will be on when I fly to Amsterdam tomorrow. These legs cannot handle flying without them.

Thank you for being here as my trusted reader. This lipedema community already means more to me than I can properly put into words.